By Erin Burt, Kiplinger's Personal Finance Magazine
Four words no one wants to hear soon after his or her wedding day: "We made a mistake."

I'm talking about financial choices, not your choice of spouse. Unfortunately, many newlyweds set themselves up for failure soon after they say "I do." If you bring bad money habits to your marriage or fail to come up with a plan to merge your financial lives, you could potentially doom your relationship to money trouble and endless arguments. That's not exactly "happily ever after."

On the other hand, nothing says "I love you" like the desire to start your marriage on the right financial foot (roses, schmoses). Here are six common pitfalls that trip up new couples. Steer clear of these, and you'll decrease the money tension and increase the harmony in your new life together.

1. Keeping money secrets
Money is one of the most common sources of arguments in a marriage, so it's best to simply avoid the subject altogether, right?

Wrong! Some of the most heated arguments stem from failing to discuss financial backgrounds, expectations and attitudes from the start. (See "Financial infidelity is rampant.") Communication is key to the survival of any relationship, and baring your financial soul to your partner is no exception.

Ideally, you want to have this conversation before walking down the aisle. After all, there are good marital surprises ("I didn't tell you I'm a gourmet chef?") and bad surprises ("I didn't tell you I have $20,000 in credit card debt?"). Full disclosure is in order here, and that includes your shoe fetish or gambling habit.

2. Not having a budget
Now that you're settling into your new life together, it's time to discuss the B-word. No, not "baby" -- I mean "budgeting." You're merging two spending habits and two saving habits into one household. So even if you had a budget when you were single (pat on the back), you've got to make a new one with your husband or wife to include his or her income, debts and monthly expenses. That will help to ensure you have enough money left over for that other B-word: "Bahamas."

Your first step is to write down your fixed expenses, such as rent, car payments, insurance premiums and student-loan payments. You should also make a habit of contributing to your savings or investments as if you were paying a fixed bill each month. Then write down your flexible expenses, such as utility and phone bills, transportation costs, groceries, trips to the ATM and miscellaneous purchases. Track your spending for a couple of months to see where your money really goes, then find the spending leaks and plug them. Building a budget is a great way to set common spending and saving goals, identify problems and work together to fix them.

A simpler way to save: The 60% Solution

3. Giving one person the financial reins
The honeymoon's over, and it's time to get down to the nitty-gritty of the daily finances. Who will physically pay the bills, monitor the investments and crunch the tax numbers? One person may be more inclined toward these tasks, or you may decide to split the responsibility or trade off each month.

There's nothing wrong with letting one person take over the family finances, as long as both partners are OK with that decision. But that doesn't mean the other partner should be excluded. It's important for each person not only to feel involved in the big financial decisions but also to have an understanding of the day-to-day finances. Each of you needs to know both partners' account information, passwords and bill due dates in case anything were to happen to the other person. (See "Don't take your passwords to the grave.")

And no matter how you divide the responsibility, it's a good idea to have a regular "money date" each month or so to make sure you're both in the loop. You should go over your budget, review your savings progress and discuss upcoming expenses. How's that for keeping the romance alive?

Also, if you choose to combine your finances after you wed, make sure that major purchases and savings accounts are held in both of your names so that each of you has equal access and can maintain a credit rating. You don't want to find out in the event of a divorce that your name wasn't actually on the car title or savings accounts. Considering keeping separate accounts?

4. Dragging debt down the aisle
What's his is hers, and what's hers is his. Whether you decide to combine your finances or maintain separate accounts, if one of you brought debt into the marriage, it becomes a problem for both of you. You'll need to work together on a plan to pay it off. However, you should never officially commingle your debt. Doing so could hurt the credit scores of the other partner and make it difficult for one or both of you to get credit later. Keep existing credit card and loan accounts in the original holder's name.

If you can help it, it's best to avoid beginning your marriage in the red. Many newlyweds make the mistake of going too far into debt to pull off the wedding of their dreams, go on an exotic honeymoon or buy new furniture and appliances. Before you dig too deep a hole, you should sit down together to determine which expenses are necessary and which are worth a splurge -- and come up with a plan to pay for it all before you spend it.

5. Sweating the small stuff
Marriage is about compromises and simply letting some things slide. So she squeezes the toothpaste tube from the middle, and he doesn't put his socks in the hamper. Big deal. You'll both soon learn to pick your battles and save your energy for issues that really matter.

That goes for picking your money battles, too. I remember my first financial argument with my husband. We had been married two weeks, and we were doing our grocery shopping together. He wanted to buy the brand-name chocolate chips, and I felt strongly that we should save 75 cents and go with the off-brand chips. After a lengthy and heated exchange, we divided up the rest of the shopping list so we wouldn't have to look at each other for the rest of our outing. Then we drove home in a huff. Lesson learned: Never go grocery shopping when you're hungry, tired and irritable. Oh, wait. Financial lesson learned: Don't sweat the small stuff. Was the argument really worth 75 cents? No way.

Of course, if all the little stuff is adding up to a big drain on your finances and causing you to live beyond your means, bring it up at your next money date and work together to find ways you can both cut back. (Ah, there's that compromise idea again.)

But take note: It's important that you build a little "mad money" into your budget for each person to spend at his or her own discretion. (Can you imagine asking your spouse for permission every time you wanted to buy a cappuccino and a muffin or grab a drink with some friends after work?) But as far as the big stuff goes, make it a rule to consult each other on major purchases. You don't want to come home and unexpectedly find a new Mercedes in the driveway -- and the bill that goes with it.

By the way, I now go grocery shopping alone. We decided as a couple it's what's best for our marriage.

6. Failing to plan for an emergency
No one likes to think about bad things happening, but in all the excitement of your engagement, planning your wedding and moving in together, it's easy to overlook this important aspect of financial planning. One of the best gifts you and your spouse can give each other is financial security and protection from life's storms.

9 ways to prepare for disaster

First, assess your emergency stash of cash. Every couple should have enough money available to cover from three to six months' worth of living expenses. You never know when the car will break down, one of you will lose a job or you'll have an unexpected medical bill. Need ideas? See MP Dunleavey's column "Why I'm saving up $15,000 this year." If that figure seems out of reach, start here: "Why you need $500 in the bank."

Then you need to make sure you have adequate insurance coverage, including health, auto, renters or homeowners insurance and possibly life insurance. Learn more about the types of insurance everyone should have and how to get the appropriate coverage.

Did you get married without a prenuptial agreement? It's not too late to protect the financial interests each partner brought to the marriage. Consider drafting a post-nup with your lawyers. Plus, make sure you each have written a will to divide your assets in the event of your death or your spouse's.

By MSN Money staff
At some point in our lives, most of us have borrowed too much. If you're in over your head, don't despair. But make no mistake: You must learn to live on what you earn.

First, stop making excuses about why you're in debt. Don't blame the credit card companies or your parents. Put that energy into reducing your debt.

Debt can be extremely stressful, so tell someone you're in financial trouble. If you can't talk to a family member or friend, contact an organization that deals with debt reduction, such as the nonprofit National Foundation for Credit Counseling.

Then get a handle on how big your problem is. You can start with MSN Money's Debt Evaluation Calculator, or you can sit down with pen and paper. When you have no idea how much you owe, simply establishing a number is a critical first step.

Don't avoid the B-word
The best way to start reducing debt is to set up a budget. It's not a punishment; it's a way of knowing exactly where your money goes. You'll need to add up your income and subtract your expenses, then set up a plan.

Don't lie to yourself. Be honest about your spending habits and you'll end up with a more realistic budget.

Budget more than the minimum on credit card payments. Paying the minimum is better than nothing, but you wind up paying a lot more in interest as you chip away at the balances.

Start an emergency fund -- a savings account that should grow to at least three months of expenses. Even $10 a week can help if it means you don't have to visit a payday lender two months from now. Without an emergency fund, unexpected costs or loss of income can drive you deeper into debt.

What's your plan?
Use your budget to help you plan your debt-reduction strategy. List all of your debts, from the highest interest rate to the lowest. Aggressively pay down the highest-rate balances while making on-time minimum payments on the others. Your budget will dictate how much you can devote to paying down your balances each month.

In addition, consider these tips:

If you have the money in savings, pay off what you can. The amount of savings income you get is usually dwarfed by interest rates you pay on your debts.

Use any extra cash -- bonuses, extra paychecks, lottery winnings -- to pay down debts.

Volunteer to work overtime, or get a second job.

If you can't earn more money, you'll need to spend less. Try these tips:

Eat at home when possible. Avoid buying lattes and fast food.

Go cash-only. After the bills are paid, allot yourself a certain amount of cash for gas, groceries, etc. When the cash is gone, the fun is done.

Forgo premium cable-TV channels and high-speed Internet service. Your public library typically not only offers free Wi-Fi but computer access as well.

Consolidation is a dangerous road
As you grapple with repayment, the temptation is great to borrow from Peter to pay Paul in one lump sum. You might be better off paying your debts bit by bit.

Consider consolidating your loans only if you have the discipline to not use your credit cards. Consolidation means you take out one loan to cover all of your existing payments. If you do transfer a balance from a card, destroy that card so you won't be tempted to run up the balance again.

Don't use a home-equity loan to pay off credit card debt. Even if the home-equity rates are lower than your cards' interest rates, trouble looms if you run up your balances again.

Don't borrow from your 401k. The closer you get to retirement, the more you'll regret it.

Skip credit-repair clinics that may charge you hundreds of dollars to fix your credit record.

Don't stretch to buy a house, even if everyone tells you it's OK. Buying too much house could mean giving up other things you want: vacations, eating out or college for your kids.

Face up to your credit cards
Once you're out of debt, how can you stay that way? Of course, stick to your budget. In addition, figure out how to deal with credit cards, which likely got you into this mess in the first place.

Stop charging right now.

Cut up all but one of your cards, the one with the lowest interest rate. Use that card only for emergencies.

If you continue to use your credit cards, pay in full every month and avoid interest charges altogether.

Pull your credit reports once a year and check them for errors.

Call your creditors and ask for lower rates.

Leave your credit cards at home. Shop with a list and buy only what's on the list; don't be tempted by sale items you don't need.

Don't use retail-store credit cards for the discounts. Chances are that card carries a high interest rate that you'll have to deal with if you don't pay off your balance each month.

When the collectors are knocking
If you've gotten in so deep that debt collectors are at the door, know your rights:

Debt collectors may not harass, oppress or abuse you or any third party they contact.

They may not falsely imply that they are government representatives or that you have committed a crime.

They may not tell you that you will be arrested if you do not pay your debts.

Whatever you do, don't give up. You didn't get into debt overnight, and you won't get out that quickly. Getting out of debt takes time and patience, but it pays big dividends down the road.

By MP Dunleavey
Editor's note: Join columnist MP Dunleavey and a group of women as they seek to strip away the myths around money, liberate themselves from debt and find financial sanity. Follow the quest of the Women in Red every other Wednesday in Dunleavey's column on MSN Money.

When I started doing research for this column, asking what sorts of money fights people have, every single couple said the same thing: "Well, we don't really fight about money."

Right, right, right, I'd have to say, backing away from the inferno of lies. "But we all have the occasional teensy squabble, right?"

Even then people were hesitant. "Well . . . maybe," they'd say.

One woman described how her husband took away her credit card one day. Not that they fought about it. Nah.

Or take another couple I know. I was at their house recently when the husband came home from work with a new drum set. He hadn't planned to drop $500 on drums that day, he explained as he unloaded the car. He just saw a classified ad and thought, why not?

Although his wife appeared calm while I was there, she told me later that they had a long "discussion" about the fact that they had agreed to save money to buy a house -- never mind their long-planned trip to Europe this summer -- and why the !@#$% did he have to buy a drum set NOW?

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

"It's a fairly common fight, and it usually happens because the two people involved aren't on the same page," says Barbara Steinmetz, a financial planner in Burlingame, Calif. "One person thinks they have a shared goal of saving for a house, car or retirement, and the other doesn't."

In fact, most fights occur not because of the amount of money spent but because of unspoken expectations that couples have and are often afraid to talk about. Sometimes it's clashing styles, sometimes mismatched agendas, but people get so rooted in their own money views that they can't see that their partner simply has a different perspective.

Steinmetz described one couple she advised who had this blind spot. The husband first outlined his goals for investing, retirement savings, etc. Steinmetz then asked the wife about her goals. "The husband was shocked to find out his wife had goals -- and they were different from his!" she says.

So if you're like most of the couples I interviewed who never really fight about money, here's a primer on the most common sources of financial friction. I know you don't need to resolve any arguments. If some of them sound familiar, don't worry. They're just talking points, for a future "discussion."

Although there are hundreds of variations, all of them can be traced back to the three main sources of money conflict: communication, control and family.

Communication
The Big Spender: First described in the biblical story of Noah, who developed a sudden infatuation with large boats and exotic animals (which was vexing unto his wife), this age-old fight revolves around a simple, unresolvable dispute: One person wants to spend; the other doesn't, and neither can convince the other to see it his or her way. When spender meets saver, sparks fly, and sooner or later, somebody explodes.

The Done Deal: A variation of the Big Spender fight, this is when one person opens the credit-card bill and -- surprise! -- sees the tab for the drum set, the new suit or the night your mate took the entire office out for drinks. The fantasy here is that because it's a fait accompli your better half will let it go. Oh, but they don't.

Jones Envy: People in their 40s who still like to compare SAT scores are most vulnerable to this one. It starts when the neighbors acquire a fancy new ski boat. You simply MUST have one, but your more practical-minded spouse fails to see this as an "emergency spending priority." Do you listen? Apparently not.

Dowry of Debt: So when you were preparing to get married you never found the right time to disclose that you had a few debts. From, uh, law school, which you never quite finished. Or attended. You kinda forgot to mention the Nordstrom card and the maxed-out Visa, because . . . you're going to pay them off really, really soon. This is really, really unlikely.

Post-Holiday Pugilism: He: Did you really spend $200 on Dad's cashmere sweater? She: Me? You bought that deluxe CD set for your sister! The Visa bill has landed and those holiday spending blunders have come back to haunt you like the Ghost of Christmas Past. So you take it out on each other. Always a healthy choice.

Control
Dribbling Deficits: The culprit in this case is not the ark or the drum set, it's the steady drip, drip, drip of spending on little purchases that no one tracks. You hit the ATM machine on Friday and end up broke on Monday with NO idea where the money went. An absence of facts rarely prevents couples from making accusations, however.

What, Me Retire?: The world can be divided into those who believe in saving for retirement and those who believe in the Retirement Fairy. If you're married to the latter type, it can be difficult to imagine your future together. As one 401k'd friend of mine noted, after admitting that she tends to "boil over" at her husband's lack of future planning: "You're afraid your spouse is going to end up on a park bench."

Blame it on the Boss: Are you the boss? Why are you asking me about how we're going to pay for roof repair, if you're the boss? You're the one who pays all the bills and does all those spreadsheets. No, I'm not bitter. I don't feel disempowered. What do you mean you never asked to be in charge?! You TOOK charge. Did so.

Software Mistake: One of you is fanatically devoted to all the lovely budget and planning tools in your Microsoft Money or Quicken program. At the end of each month you have a terrific round of mutual recrimination because, sadly, you now know exactly where the money went.

Family
The Cost of Kids: Nanny vs. day care; maternity leave vs. staying home; start the college fund now or later. When you're expecting or already have a brood, the choices -- and arguments -- are endless.

The Parent Trap: You've taken on the same financial role that your mother or father once played, but your partner doesn't seem to know his or her role in the drama and isn't ready to surrender the checkbook -- or commandeer it -- according to the unconscious script you're expecting the two of you to follow.

Out with the In-Laws: In the first five minutes of any visit, your in-laws will manage to push at least one of your big financial buttons. ("The house is so much smaller than it looked in the photo, especially given what you paid.") Ten minutes later, you're growling at each other.

For couples: 8 tips on how to talk about money
Fighting about money is as old as money itself, arising partly out of philosophical differences and partly from habits so old you forgot you had them. But now, at least, you can see all the ways they feed into those arguments you're not having.

Here's how:

Take a hike. Or a walk. "Men don't like to open up about this," notes Lavine, "so having the discussion while you're relaxed, out in the fresh air, will help."

'Fess up. Start by telling your partner what your own family's attitudes and behaviors toward money were. (Hint: If you haven't spent much time mulling over your family's financial dynamics, do that first.)

Be humble. "Never assume your way is the right way," Liberman and Lavine advise. Listen to what your partner says and take it in. Their outlook may differ wildly from yours, but they hold their views as dearly as you hold yours, so be respectful, even if you disagree.

Establish common goals. Liberman and Lavine say that the worst fights couples have boil down to the fact that they haven't planned their Big Picture goals yet. "You need to think about the various milestones in your life that will require money -- having kids, buying a house, caring for a parent -- and discuss them."

Quantify your goals. Barbara Steinmetz, a financial planner in Burlingame, Calif., says that once you've established even a small goal, like saving for a vacation, start to work toward it together. One couple she knows has a date every Saturday where they deposit a fixed amount into their Saving-for-a-House account. "The feeling of success will be a new financial bond between you," she says.

Get help. Talking to a financial planner together can help ease money tension, since it's easier to address tough issues with an objective party. Or take a financial seminar together.

Don't lay blame, take action. Let's say your partner is in debt. Rather that fight about it (Hello: Arguing won't reduce that monthly payment!), force yourselves to focus on a game plan. Taking steps to address the problem will remind you that you are, and always will be, a financial team.

If at first you don't succeed. . . . Talking about money is hard, much harder than fighting. So if it takes a while to replace debates with discussions, don't sweat it. "Even if you do it wrong, it's better to communicate than to not say anything," agree Liberman and Lavine. Make it your new motto: Stop fightin'; keep talkin'.

Check list:

How was your childhood experiences with money - did your parents plan and budget or wing it?

Did you fell anxious about money issues, like if the phone or electric was turned off for non-payment?

What does security mean to you?

What type of shopper are you? Where do you shop? Do you shop with coupons and look for sales? Do you shop on line or by catalogs?

Checking accounts (do you balance your check book, or guess?)
Savings accounts
401K plans
Any other accounts

Credit cards
Credit card bills
Credit history scores

Car payments
Car insurance

Rent/house payments
Savings for emergencies
Insurance
Other properties

School loans

Medical bills

Any other Loans

Clubs / or membership fees

Entertainment / or hobby expences

Children
Pets
Elderly care

Misc. bills

This one is for the ladies!

Just because you get married does not mean you should stop being you! This goes true for your money. Yes the two of you will share all the bills, and probable have a joint bank account to pay them with. But you too should still keep a checking account or savings account in your name only. Not only does it give you the chance to have a little spending money on having your nails or hair done, but it let's you surprise your husband with gifts when you do not need to explain what you need some extra cash for. (he too should have an account of his own)

Plus a woman should have enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to. There are times when things do happen once your married that you do not want to think about or think will never happen to you; like a fight or divorce or something else unknown. It is the Girl Scouts who say Be Prepared! That is just what you should do, be prepared for the unknown, it is better to be safe then sorry.

Start off right, and get organized with your paper work.

This is the time to stop any of those bad habits and start new! So get yourself a place to put your folders, and this is something you both can do together.

Start off by making piles, then you can deside on the order and how you want to label your folders. You may even want to use colored folders or label them as his or her's since you may have more then one, like pay stubs.

Here is just an idea:

Bank Statements
Car Insurance/title
Current year of tax return receipt
Forever Documents/birth and death certificates/marriage license/will
Home Insurance/deed
Investments (pension, 401-K)
Medical Insurance
Monthly Bills
Pay Stubs
Past years - Tax returns
Social Security Statements
User Manuals
Warranties

As for the Monthly Bills you may want to set up folders for:

Cable bills
Doctor bills
Electric bills
Gas bills
Phone bills

Something else to think about is safety, like fireproof, and water-resistant file cabinet or box, unless you have a safe for those forever documents. You might even think about having a copy of the forever documents in a different place, like a safe deposit box at a bank or another family members home. Better to be over safe then sorry down the line due to an Act of God.

As for the receipts for your larger ticket items you purchase, you may want to keep that receipt with a picture of the item for any insurance claim.

It is also a good idea to keep a premanent file of all loans you have paid off (from school, car, mortgage and so on) should there be a mistake found on your credit report, or identity thief happens.

As for those items you will trash, remember to shred them to protect yourself from dumpster diving identity theft.

A check list you should want to use once a year to check your finacial records to stay informed and engaged:

Gather up your records - store pay stubs, bank statements and bills in a safe place.

Take inventory of your affairs - use your financial records to calculate your net worth.

Calculate your cash flow - evaluate whether ou're living within your means.

Prioritize your financial goals - establish your short-term, mid-term and long-term objections.

Establish a budget - allocate specific amounts to your expenses and goals.

Follow your budget - keep receipts to track your spending.

Check your financial reputation - review your credit report, with all three main companies.

Recognize signs of financial danger - reevaluate your finances and put together an action plan.

Protect yourself - keep your insurance, will and estate plan up to date.

Just because your newlyweds, and planning a new life together, you also need to take the time to talk about what if? What would happen if one gets deathly sick, there is an accident, a divorce, or even if someone dies? These are things you need to talk about now, write them down, take action, and revisit once a year at least.

Subjets to think about:

Old debt, new debt, and budget plan
Insurance policites
Investment accounts
401(k) plans
Stocks, bonds, coins, art work or any other types of collections.
Beneficiaries
Trust funds
Wills
Funeral arrangements
Savings for that rainy day, or that unknown disaster.
What if a parent needs to move in with you?
Power of attorney should there be an accident

It is always better to have talked about these issues before something bad happens, to better prepare you both and make it easier on each other too.