By: John Gottman, marriage researcher (www.gottman.com/marriage/self_help/)
Seek help early:
Many couples wait six years before seeking assistance which means 6 years of unhappiness. Addressing issues earlier will allow the opportunity for resolution and more years of happiness as a couple.
Edit yourself:
Don't complain about everthing that you feel is an infraction. Pick the major issues and address those and let the smaller things go.
Soften the "Start up":
This means using tactfulness in bringing up those important issues without being blaming or harsh.
Accept influence:
Adjusting to your partner's needs and requests is essential to a helthy relationship. If you are unable to accept influence from your partner you truly aren't married except by legal standards.
Have high standards:
Expect that there not be abuse of any sort and that conflict is handled productively. Avoid name calling and threats to end the relationship.
Know when to stop the fight:
Time outs are a great thing to call when the conflict starts to become destructive to your relationship. When you become upset to the point you may regret your behavior, call a time out on yourself until you can calmlyu discuss the topic.
Focus on the positive:
There are no perfect relationships. Focus your attention on what is going well about your relationship as happy couples can list more positives than negatives about their relationship.
Full Version: Seven Tips . . .
Communication is the key!
Newlyweds should carefully nurture their relationship. But men and women often have different attitudes. Wives feel that relationships are better if they talk about a problem with their spouse, and husbands often feel that relationships are better when they don't have to talk about it.
Premarital and marriage counselors encourage husbands to increase their tolerance to talk things out more and remind wives to be mindful of their husbands' fears of conflict.
A support network of close family members, friends and clergy can be a haven to couples, either together or individually. These are the peple who can encourage the couple to go back and work out their problems.
Couples can adopt what some called a relational bank account. It works on a system of deposits for acts of kindness wersus withdrawals for put-downs. Each "zinger," or put-down, takes away 20 cats of kindness.
If you are thinking about sending your partner a "zinger," think again, calm down and try to say the same thing without hurting your spouse's feelings.
Newlyweds should carefully nurture their relationship. But men and women often have different attitudes. Wives feel that relationships are better if they talk about a problem with their spouse, and husbands often feel that relationships are better when they don't have to talk about it.
Premarital and marriage counselors encourage husbands to increase their tolerance to talk things out more and remind wives to be mindful of their husbands' fears of conflict.
A support network of close family members, friends and clergy can be a haven to couples, either together or individually. These are the peple who can encourage the couple to go back and work out their problems.
Couples can adopt what some called a relational bank account. It works on a system of deposits for acts of kindness wersus withdrawals for put-downs. Each "zinger," or put-down, takes away 20 cats of kindness.
If you are thinking about sending your partner a "zinger," think again, calm down and try to say the same thing without hurting your spouse's feelings.
Something to think about 
From: REDBOOK magazine - SURPRISING REASONS YOU'RE NOT LOSING WEIGHT
PUTTING ON POUNDS DESPITE YOUR BEST EFFORT? THE CULPRIT COULD BE ONE OF THESE SNEAKY FAT TRAPS.
BY STACEY COLINO
Weight-loss wrecker No. 2: Married bliss
When you exchanged your vows, gaining weight together probably wasn't one of them. But research at the University of Minnesota has found that people often gain an average of five pounds within two years of getting hitched. The reason? Newly married couples' food choices became more and more similar — with women often compromising their eating habits more than men do, according to a Cornell University study.
Along with what you eat, the way you eat also changes after you're married: "When you're single, you're more likely to skip meals or just have a salad for dinner. But when you're married, you tend to eat larger meals with multiple courses," says Jeffery Sobal, Ph.D., an associate professor in nutritional sciences at Cornell.
Stay-slim solutions. Harness the positive power of partnership and exercise together to counter what you gain together. A study at Indiana University found that married couples who joined an exercise program together were 95 percent less likely to drop out after a year than married people who joined individually. On the food front, you might make a pact to eat lighter versions of your favorite foods a few nights a week — preparing lean turkey burgers or opting for a hearty soup and salad.
From: REDBOOK magazine - SURPRISING REASONS YOU'RE NOT LOSING WEIGHT
PUTTING ON POUNDS DESPITE YOUR BEST EFFORT? THE CULPRIT COULD BE ONE OF THESE SNEAKY FAT TRAPS.
BY STACEY COLINO
Weight-loss wrecker No. 2: Married bliss
When you exchanged your vows, gaining weight together probably wasn't one of them. But research at the University of Minnesota has found that people often gain an average of five pounds within two years of getting hitched. The reason? Newly married couples' food choices became more and more similar — with women often compromising their eating habits more than men do, according to a Cornell University study.
Along with what you eat, the way you eat also changes after you're married: "When you're single, you're more likely to skip meals or just have a salad for dinner. But when you're married, you tend to eat larger meals with multiple courses," says Jeffery Sobal, Ph.D., an associate professor in nutritional sciences at Cornell.
Stay-slim solutions. Harness the positive power of partnership and exercise together to counter what you gain together. A study at Indiana University found that married couples who joined an exercise program together were 95 percent less likely to drop out after a year than married people who joined individually. On the food front, you might make a pact to eat lighter versions of your favorite foods a few nights a week — preparing lean turkey burgers or opting for a hearty soup and salad.
The Recipe for a Happy Marriage
1 cup of consideration
1 cup of courtesy
2 cupfuls flattery carefully concealed
2 cupfuls milk of human kindness
1 gallon faith in God and each other
2 cupfuls praise
1 small pinch of in-laws
1 reasonable budget
3 teaspoons of pure extract of "I am sorry"
1 cup of contentment
1 cup each of confidence and encouragement
2 children at least
1 large or several hobbies
1 cup of blindness to other's faults
a generous dash of cooperation
Flavor with frequent portions of recreation and a dash of happy memories. Stir well and remove any specks of jealousy, temper, or critiism. Sweeten well with generous portions of love. Keep warm with a steady flame of devotion. Never serve witha cold shoulder or hot tongue.
Note: this could make a cute book marker.
1 cup of consideration
1 cup of courtesy
2 cupfuls flattery carefully concealed
2 cupfuls milk of human kindness
1 gallon faith in God and each other
2 cupfuls praise
1 small pinch of in-laws
1 reasonable budget
3 teaspoons of pure extract of "I am sorry"
1 cup of contentment
1 cup each of confidence and encouragement
2 children at least
1 large or several hobbies
1 cup of blindness to other's faults
a generous dash of cooperation
Flavor with frequent portions of recreation and a dash of happy memories. Stir well and remove any specks of jealousy, temper, or critiism. Sweeten well with generous portions of love. Keep warm with a steady flame of devotion. Never serve witha cold shoulder or hot tongue.
Note: this could make a cute book marker.
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